Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
