Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
