addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
