She said her name was "party"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
