Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
