Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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