are you still at the devil's house?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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