You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
