Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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