i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
