she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize