I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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