It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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