i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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