she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
where does the pee come out of this thing
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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