The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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