I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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