Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
