Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize