Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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