Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
