its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
