Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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