Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
