now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
