I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he thought i was a dude.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
