i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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