how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
