we have officially lost it.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
These tits shall not be calmed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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