i love accidental penises.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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