Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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