direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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