Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
