My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize