Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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