Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
