Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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