i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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