Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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