Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
