You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize