the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize