hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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