how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
