Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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