win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
