so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
