I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
