To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
