I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
