My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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