my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize