I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
