I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
