Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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