why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize