Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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