If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
