I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize