Having a random hookup so left but love u
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
