ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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