is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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