We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
