you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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