During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize