come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You made out with two different species that night
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
