I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
