Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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