Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
